PCP: Giving Us The Criminal Equivalent To The Energizer Bunny Since The Sixties
Sometimes the craziest shit happens right in your own backyard. Of course if you are in Houston then that is a really, really big fucking back yard. Just the same, I’m proud to say that this insanity happened right here–and it is almost right out of a movie.
Here is the link: http://www.khou.com/news/LIVE-VIDEO-Police-investigate-shooting-multiple-car-wreck-91655614.html
And here is a quote from the article to sum up the spirit of this weirdness for ya:
“He got up and went and sat in his own car which, by the way, was on fire, and waited there, shot, and he was still there when the police and paramedics got here,”
Wow. Holy Motherfuckin Boobs Of Mary The Mother of Baby Jesus Himself. I don’t think I could have even invented something this cool, and I have a really vivid imagination. The police suspect that the “person of interest” in this case was blitzed on PCP. I tend to agree with that assessment after reviewing the facts. I will now relay this tale of wonder to you, boys and girls. The crazy bastard in question is Henry Hankston III, but we will give him a more appropriate name: Col. Flappynuts.
So some people are hanging out in south Houston doing the things that folks do in south Houston (selling drugs to each other and pimping hos). All of a sudden Col. Flappynuts comes out of the blue, assaults the jackass and hi-jacks his car. The police say that the Col. did not have a gun or knife but used objects he found in the street to accomplish the assault and aforementioned car-jacking. What kind of objects? Like a road cone and an empty happy meal box? Regardless… our hero takes off in the stolen car and proceeds to haul balls down the street. He is so high that he keeps crashing into folks on the road…but Flappynuts is resolved in his decision to do….uhhh….whatever it is that he felt he needed to be doing. Unfortunately for the douchebag, his car is rendered immobile after the third wreck and catches fire. Not to be dissuaded from his course though, Col. Flappynuts rushes over to a nearby Metro Bus and attempts to bus-jack the motherfucker.
He is tussling with the driver, who probably does not feel like giving the bus over to some freak wielding a road cone. A passerby witnesses the whole thing and stops to render aid. Again, luck is not with Col. Flappynuts because the passerby happens to have a concealed carry permit. Realizing that Col. Flappynuts would probably be a lot happier dead… the passerby pulls out the weapon and lets one slip.
After getting blasted down by the passerby, our hero decides that the gig is up and returns to the car, which is still being consumed by fire, climbs into the vehicular inferno and is still patiently waiting there when the cops arrive.
Wow… What an amazing drug. They should prescribe this to women when they hit menopause… that would be beyond entertaining.
Frothtonomy 